12 things I learned in 2022…

Mindset

Jan 13

Work on your weaknesses but don’t lose sight of your strengths.
You can tell others about the things that happened to you, or the things you overcame. Which story would you like to hear about?
Treat others with kindness because you have no idea what someone else is going through. Some people need tough love, others just need love. Know your audience.
You’re never too old to change your path in life. Nothing changes if nothing changes. What you want in life exists and it is your responsibility to find it or create it.
Pleasure and happiness are not the same thing. Pleasure is temporary, empty, and meaningless. Happiness is timeless, experiential, and meaningful.
Home is where the heart is. Home can be a feeling or found in another person and I hope you can find that place every night before you fall asleep.
Find a therapist so you don’t exhaust your friendships.
Walking is underrated and underutilized. You can do this anywhere, at any time, and with anyone. If you’re feeling stuck, down, or unmotivated, movement creates action.
Once is a mistake, twice is a choice.
Everything you do and think doesn’t need to be shared. Delayed gratification helps build self-control as well as success in other areas of your life.
Put your phone away sometimes and live in the moment. Be where your feet are.
You’re only as boring as you allow yourself to be. Read more, try new things, and write about it.

Work on your weaknesses but don’t lose sight of your strengths.

2022 was the year I resumed therapy, journaling, and meditating. I used to deal with problems in my life in two ways: to work as much as possible and find ways to escape when I wasn't working. I didn’t want time to think about my feelings. The latter became a weakness that gave birth to other habits, turning me into someone I didn’t recognize. Worse than that, it made me someone I wouldn’t even want to be friends with.

From the inside looking out, I was the hero in my journey and everyone in my life played a certain role. It’s convenient to think of yourself in a positive light, but what if it’s at the detriment of others? What if you were the only person who thought about yourself like that? And from the outside looking in, you resemble more of a villain? Someone hard to talk to and someone who puts others down, especially those closest to you.

I wasn’t able to see myself how others saw me because my bad habits skewed my perception of reality. I didn’t start smoking or playing video games until March 2020 happened – which isn’t an excuse to become mean. It took me two years to begin implementing change. I lost myself, a lot of friendships, and first impressions I can never fix. I could go on and on about my weaknesses but you get the gist.

When it comes to strengths, one stands tall and stands out, belief. The ability to believe, have faith, and work towards bettering yourself is powerful. If I didn’t believe I was better than one of my lowest points in life, I wouldn’t have taken the first step to change. I took a deeper look into myself when others said the way I speak makes people feel bad about themselves. If I didn’t believe it was possible to change my career and trajectory, I would still be overweight and stagnant in an industry that wasn’t fulfilling.

2. You can tell others about the things that happened to you, or the things you overcame. Which story would you like to hear about?

Sometimes you become what you hate, and for me, that was being a victim. I always believed I was incapable of allowing life to happen to me and that I was stronger than my environment. Then the pandemic happened and I embarked on a self-destructive path that almost cost me my life. Not to sound hyperbolic, but in January 2022, I had my first personal health life scare. My blood pressure was 150/90, which is stage 2 hypertension, which also meant at any moment, I could drop dead. My heart was working overtime to keep me alive, someone ungrateful for their body.

If the saying “all good things must come to an end” is true, then so do bad things. In 2022: I gave up smoking, reduced playing video games, lost 60 lbs, refocused as a personal trainer, tackled my tax returns, and went back to school. Not bad, right?

3. Treat others with kindness because you have no idea what someone else is going through. Some people need tough love, others just need love. Know your audience.

Like the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you; so what could make doing this difficult? In my experience, ego and being selfish. When you don’t consider that other people might be having a bad day or a tough time, it’s easy to make everything about you. I’m someone who more often than not, has a constant negative inner monologue going on. I spend more time criticizing myself than giving myself grace or acknowledgment of what I’m doing a good job at.

Imagine someone you loved died, you got hit with a huge unexpected charge, or you no longer enjoyed your job, wouldn’t you want someone to be nice to you? Wouldn’t it be helpful to hear something nice from someone else?

4. You’re never too old to change your path in life. Nothing changes if nothing changes. What you want in life exists and it is your responsibility to find it or create it.

No matter where you are in your journey, it's always possible to make a pivot and start moving in a new direction. Life is changing and evolving, and so should you. It's important to remember that nothing changes if nothing changes. If you're not fulfilling your potential, it's up to you to take action and make the changes. The path to your dreams and goals may not be clear, but what's important is to keep moving forward. Take small steps and keep the attitude that what you're searching for exists and it is your responsibility to find it or create it.

I began my real corporate career journey at the age of 26 years old and within 2 years, left that for another career. I kept asking myself “Is this it? There has to be more to life” because the work was mundane, repetitive and soul-sucking. I studied and passed my NASM test to become a certified personal trainer and took a gamble. I turned 28 at the time and decided this was my opportunity to see what I'm made of. That gamble paid off and 6 years later, I’m still doing what I enjoy. I don’t say “love” because I realized that feeling didn’t exist anymore when the pandemic happened. I questioned what I wanted to do with my life because I became burned out and could no longer feel the passion.

My plan B was to go into nursing if personal training didn’t pan out the way I had hoped. I’m fortunate to have a job where I don't need to work full-time and it allows me time to go back to school. I'm excited to be going back to school to get into a new career so I could reach a couple of my life goals. I want to help as many people as possible and to never worry about money.

5. Pleasure and happiness are not the same thing. Pleasure is temporary, empty, and meaningless. Happiness is timeless, experiential, and meaningful.

I used to consider distractions something that made me happy. It's impossible to distract yourself 24/7 or else you’d never do anything meaningful in life. I used to wake up at 430 in the morning and wouldn’t come home till about 10 at night – rest and sleep were about the only things that made me happy. I was “changing the world” one client at a time, one workout at a time, one day at a time but something felt empty inside. I realize now that emptiness was a lack of hobbies. I didn’t have any hobbies or activities outside of work. I worked as much as I could for two reasons: I wanted to be the best personal trainer and if I made myself boring, no one would want to take up my time. That would give me more time to put into my business.

I hung out with friends or my family as little as possible, I didn’t read the news, I did nothing but work. I read articles and anything I could find on social media to learn and teach others a “better” way to live. If work is all you care about and you don’t feel empty when you come home, don’t change a thing. Even if society says you should have “balance”. I thought I found my last career, but certain beliefs change and evolve as you experience new people and new things. It's a good mentality to have if you’re interested in growth. Before I die, I want to say I tried everything I could think of and made unforgettable memories with people I care about.

6. Home is where the heart is. Home can be a feeling or found in another person and I hope you can find that place every night before you fall asleep.

Home is not only a physical place but also an emotion. It’s a feeling of belonging. It’s where you should feel safe and most comfortable to be yourself. I found that place in the gym a long time ago. It doesn’t matter what type of day I’m having or whether I want to work out or not, it helps me become more of who I want to be. The gym is where I learned how far curiosity and discipline can take you if you are consistent and have an imagination. I’ve also met a lot of great human beings in the gym and the quality I find to be most common is a desire to get better.

I could write a book about this next part because of how much it’s affected my life but in the interest of brevity, I got into my first relationship. I didn’t allow myself the space to open up to someone until I was 32 turning 33 years old. I chose this person to be with for many qualities and what stood out the most was how this person made me feel. I felt comfortable to be myself, I felt accepted, I felt joy, and above all, she felt like home to me. No matter where we are in the world, when I’m right next to her, it feels like it’s exactly where I should be.

7. Find a therapist so you don’t exhaust your friendships.

I’m an open book to most people I meet and that’s a great quality to have until you start to drain people with your energy. I can make most stories entertaining but when it comes to complaining, you can only do so much with dirt. That’s how I view complaining, like someone dumping dirt on you. I believe if you have the energy to complain about a situation, you also have the energy to change it. I’d rather spend my time figuring out how to change something I don’t like happening to me. The alternative is being a victim and adding negative energy to someone else’s day.

I found a therapist to work with last summer and it’s been life-changing. You can spill all your feelings onto someone prepared to handle it as well as give you constructive feedback. It’s important to see ourselves the way others do because you’re not always aware of how the things you say affects others. I’ve learned that my intentions aren’t always aligned with my impact and when someone is opening up to me, listen without having a fix or solution ready.

8. Walking is underrated and underutilized.

You can do this anywhere, at any time, and with anyone.

If you’re feeling stuck, down, or unmotivated, movement creates action.

In January 2022, I got a reality check that my blood pressure was 150/90 and I had 3 months to fix it or else I’d have to use blood pressure medication. I researched ways to reduce this number and one of them, to my surprise, was to walk. According to the CDC, you need 150 minutes of low to moderate intensity or 75 minutes of high intensity cardio. I began walking on a treadmill for 20-60 mins a day for an average of 5 days a week. I started this in March and by June, along with eating better and exercising regularly, my blood pressure dropped to 120/67. It’s a moment I’ll never forget and has benefited my life in more ways than one. I was able to breathe easier and my strength training workouts became less strenuous.

9. Once is a mistake, twice is a choice.

Most people think you need to be perfect with your diet and exercise routine and that you're a failure if you slip up. When it comes to your health you’re not a robot. The majority of foods you eat should align with your goal(s) and the same goes for workouts. Your workout routine should improve your health and keep you consistent. If your diet is so strict that you feel miserable and end up giving up after a few days or weeks, that isn’t sustainable. If your workout routine involves too many HIIT workouts, that isn’t sustainable either.

The pandemic was the first time in almost a decade that I let a mistake change my body in a detrimental way. Cheat meals became frequent as well as skipping workouts. I was fortunate enough to have access to a private gym during the first few months where mostly everyone was training from home. But, this is when I developed a poor mindset. I didn’t see the point in keeping up a routine because the world had shut down. I turned myself into someone I didn’t recognize and the unhealthy, toxic traits I didn’t know existed came out. I lost hope, I lost friends, and I lost my sense of purpose for almost two years.

What I’ve learned from going through that phase of my life is it doesn’t matter how much someone else wants you to change if you don’t want it for yourself. Sometimes you need to feel really low and stay there for a while – think of it like a recipe for success. Success isn’t a straight upward trending line. Success has peaks and troughs and you can’t rush either period. I spent years living in a “peak” with my body so it’s only fair that I spend some time in a trough period. The insight I’ve relearned has changed the way I communicate with others, especially when it comes to the meaning of what health looks and feels like. I’m chasing longevity and to help others do the same – think long-term.

10. Everything you do and think doesn’t need to be shared. Delayed gratification helps build self-control as well as success in other areas of your life.

It is important to remember that you don't need to share everything that you do or think with others. In fact, it can be healthy to keep certain aspects of your life private. If you can delay gratification, it can help you build self-control and greater success in other areas of your life. By learning to hold off on short-term pleasure, you can develop the discipline and willpower necessary to achieve your goals. Some people find gratification in talking about things they want to do and never try, be the person who does more than they speak of.

11. Put your phone away sometimes and live in the moment.

Be where your feet are.

One important lesson I learned last year is to put your phone away sometimes and to immerse yourself in the present moment. Being constantly connected to your phone can make it difficult to be present in the here and now. It also prevents you from experiencing the world around you. Whether you're spending time with loved ones, going for a walk, or traveling, it's important to take breaks from technology. The art of being present helps you improve your relationships as well as increase your sense of well-being. You are on a life-long pursuit of happiness and you get closer to that goal when you create more meaningful memories.