Depression & Being A Personal Trainer

A note I voice wrote in my Evernote App when it happened…

I think I am finally back to operating normally. What I mean by that is I had an episode last week. I’ve never been clinically diagnosed with depression but what I felt last week was the reminder that I need to treat myself better. I go through phases of ups and downs like everyone does but my downs make me not want to come into work, talk to anyone at all, or even leave the bed. I couldn’t fake being positive, I didn’t care for my #gymmornings, I honestly didn’t care to exist at all.

The difference I feel today is the complete opposite. Sleep deprivation amplifies bad to worse and for me I’m no good to anyone when I’m getting 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night. Catching up on Sundays sleeping like 12 hrs is no way to live. Be careful what you pride yourself in because that means this is how you define yourself and how other people see you. Abel works hard, he’s always at the gym, he’s always training, he’s always positive, how does he do it?

The answer is simple.

I know what low feels like. I know what lonely feels like. I know what it feels like to not have money to buy food. I know what rejection feels like. I know what losing a parent feels like. I know what it feels like to not be there for the only parent you have left. I know what it feels like to be a disappointment to someone. I know what it feels like wishing things would get better for years…

I never want to feel those feelings again so I bust my ass to make as much money as I can but at what cost?

I also know that these feelings come and go. It’s the natural ebb and flow of life. I know that where you’re at now is preparing you for what’s to come. I know that today it’s raining but tomorrow will be the sunshine. We just have to wait out the storm and know that the rainbow is on its way.

Here’s a video to supplement my written feelings…