13.1
Four months ago, I never ran past half a mile. Yesterday, I ran 13.1.
I like to shoot the shit with my clients while we’re training, and one day, I said that if you gave me two years and I did nothing else but train, I could run a marathon in like two hours. Someone who ran a marathon before said, “Oh yeah? How about you do the half marathon first.” This happened in December. I signed up for the Brooklyn Half through NYRR and had the unfortunate pleasure of being picked. I asked Joe Holder if he had a program I could buy, and he told me to download the Nike Running Club app. It was free, and honestly, for someone new to running, it’s exactly what I needed.
I started running in late January and became injured within three weeks. I took two weeks off and came back apprehensive but determined. I also didn’t start running outside until one month before The Half and thank god I did because the race would’ve been tremendously more challenging. My only regret was that I didn’t run outside earlier in my program. I joked with people saying I have too much melanin to run outside, but that was bullshit. Running in the cold is hard, and I also foolishly thought I’d get sick—not true because I also ran in the rain and was gucci.
Leading up to the race, I half-jokingly said I wanted to get hurt so I had an excuse not to run. One part of that became true—I strained my right calf six days before the race. I did what I could to alleviate the pain and man up. I came too far to give up. I also pressured myself to finish the race in under two hours, thinking that would make me happy and seem legit. That was bullshit. The win isn’t the time you take to complete a goal; it’s in the journey. The destination is just a cherry on top. You discover parts of yourself you didn’t know existed through adversity.
The support I had from close friends helped. The guidance and encouragement from Marlon and Fitz were invaluable. One important lesson from this period is “pay it forward.” These two guys have done several races and just wanted to see their brother succeed. I’m forever grateful.
Throughout training indoors, one method I used for motivation was two shadows. On the treadmill I used, and because of how the lighting is set up, I had two shadows running with me five days a week. I made up that my dad and mom were there to support me. When I told my mom I was doing the race, she told me it was her dream to run a marathon when she came to this country. Sadly, that didn’t happen. She also told me how proud she was to hear of what I signed up for.
I got as much sleep as I could for the race. I was nervous and fine at the same time. When I feel overwhelmed, I talk less and think more. It’s like a calm before the storm moment. When I got to prospect park, I met two women with an incredible story. Everyone has a story; you never know what people have been through or are going through. Melissa came from Louisville, Kentucky, and Cecilia was from Texas. Mel’s husband died earlier this year from cardiac arrest while training for the race. Cecilia was his coach. Melissa decided she would run this race for him, and Cecilia was there to support her.
I’m at the start, and it’s indescribable how it feels to move with a wave of people as one. I felt good and free of pain or worry in the beginning. There were random moments when I couldn’t stop smiling because I couldn’t believe what I was doing. Good things happen when you commit to a process. The moment I felt I would give up came approaching mile 9. The rain got the best of me and my feet. It felt like my toes were jamming into a wall with every stride and like someone was stabbing the arches of my feet, especially the left one. But I didn’t come this far only to come this far. I ran and walked the rest of the race. I was no longer concerned with time, only that I wanted to finish and see the smile on my mom’s face when I told her I did it.
I finished with a time of 2 hours and 16 minutes. If you told me a year ago what I would do a year later, I’d call you crazy. It turns out I did something crazy after all. It always feels impossible until it’s done.
1 Hour
“He doesn’t quit.”
I’m three months into running, and it’s surprising how much I love something I used to hate. With the help of @nikerunning, I do 4-5 guided runs a week. I usually do the talking when training clients, so having a coach in my ear giving me the same type of encouragement and thought-provoking questions has been awesome.
Yesterday’s weather in NYC was atrocious. The rain didn’t stop all day, and it got progressively harder and wetter 😶. I had a decision to make. Do I play it safe and run inside on the treadmill, or do I man up and run outside? Which action would make me proud? What would help me build character?
Within 5 minutes, I stepped into a puddle, and there was no turning back—55 minutes to go. At about the 15-minute mark, @CoachBennett played a rapid-fire question game with me, and one question stood out from the rest that kept me going and re-energized me for the rest of the workout: What is your greatest strength?
I thought back 13 years ago to a conversation I had with @brandonsimmons. I played a lot of pick-up basketball and sometimes with real athletes. He told me someone said something about me, and he didn’t want me to take it the wrong way. “Abel isn’t the best on the court. He’s not the fastest, the strongest, or the smartest, but he doesn’t quit.”
It would’ve been easy to take that as an insult, but I saw it differently. I was recognized as someone who doesn’t quit, and that’s a value and attitude I want to carry throughout life. Life is hard and challenging to see through sometimes, but there’s always a solution hidden in the chaos. “It always seems impossible until it’s done” — Nelson Mandela.
I don’t give up on clients because I know what it feels like to feel defeated and unsupported. I don’t give up on friends because I know what it feels like to feel alone and unwanted. I don’t give up on family because you only get one. I don’t give up on people, but sometimes people give up on me, and that’s life. People come and go, but the memories last.
The point is that you’ll eventually get “there” if you don’t quit. The journey is more enjoyable when you feel supported. I encourage you to find your community and lean on them. Giving up on your pursuits robs you of the potential inside of you, the people who depend on you, and the people you have yet to meet… Keep Going
Advice To New Trainers
If I just got my personal training certification today, here's a list of things I would do to find the correct path. Before I can tell you what the "correct path" is, I first need you to understand that direction is much more important than speed. I had little success during the first year at two gyms and felt I didn't belong in this industry. I went the traditional route starting out training people one-on-one in person on the gym floor. How did I get people to train with me in the beginning?
I walked the gym floor, picking weights, engaging with people about their workouts, and offering advice to anyone who cared enough to listen. I’m not a “seller”; I’m a talker. There's a wrong way and a fitting way to approach people working out, and my first tip is if someone's wearing headphones, give them a nod if their form is good and keep walking if it's not. No one wants to be told they're doing something wrong in the gym, especially men, so approach cautiously. Become friendly with the front desk people and your manager because you want to be the first person they think of when they have a potential client who needs a trainer.
Second, read and watch everything. You can learn from trainers who are at the top of your industry, and you can learn from your peers who make mistakes or lack enthusiasm. I've overheard trainers talking about themselves or complaining about their boss. Your client is paying you money to help them reach their goals, not to be your therapist. Be someone other than the trainer who builds your business on their personality or marketing. You'll get more business through referrals if you're good at what you do and treat your people well. Every day for the first few years, I learned something from trainers online, especially on YouTube. One reason this helped out is I could hear how to explain complicated concepts in a simplified way. I want you to know that knowing your audience will take you further in communication than showing your knowledge, like reading from a textbook.
This leads to my third point; who you know matters more than what you know. I was in a fortunate position to meet someone who changed my trajectory. I used to watch the breakfast club interviews, and one day, I saw one with Gary V (I can’t find that video, sorry). He mentioned his trainer leaving him, and my first thought was, "why would you leave this cash cow?" So I looked up Mike Vacanti and consumed EVERYthing he put out. One day while meeting with my manager at NYSC, I saw Mike walk in. A little starstruck, I told my manager I needed a moment. I approached him and introduced myself, telling him how I found him and how much his content changed my life. Every time he came in, we spoke, and the conversations grew longer until, one day, he asked if there was anything he could do to help me out. That led to me meeting my current boss, Kevin. Through the years of working for Kevin and knowing Mike, I've come to meet a few fitness coaches that I respect.
My fourth point is to try everything you can and experiment. I thought the only way you could be a trainer was to do one-on-one sessions with clients in person. Then I came to Structure Personal Fitness and learned a new model, semi-private training. With semi-private training, I train anywhere from 1-6 people at a time. What I love most about it is the community aspect. SPF had two locations, and I trained an older population who needed modifications at one location. At the other location, I trained a younger population who needed to slow things down and unlearn what they saw on social media. Over the years, I learned how to teach fitness classes with large groups of people, CrossFit, online fitness coaching, nutrition coaching, and last but not least, virtual training when the pandemic happened. Because of the semi-private training model, I learned faster than I did and as much. It saved my career and life all because I was in the right place at the right time, put myself out there, took chances, and said yes to everything.,
My fifth point is to use social media to your advantage. I copied what I saw others doing and made it my own. You can reach more people with a single post, and what will separate you from everyone else is your energy and point of view. You have to think long-term because if you focus on the day-to-day, you'll get frustrated because things aren't moving quickly. Think about how often you've had someone ask you, "how long will it take to see results?" It depends. How consistent are you? Are you making the right choices? Everything takes time. The bigger the dream, the longer it'll take. Everything that glitters isn’t gold, so don’t make the mistake of trying to achieve what someone else has and calling that your dream.
Here’s a list of who and what has helped me thus far:
Practical Programming for Strength Training
Bigger Leaner Stronger: The Simple Science of Building the Ultimate Male Body
Lower Body Workout
If you have this setup, you can do this lower-body workout at any gym or home. I'll walk you through this so there's clarity. Strength comes first, next is endurance, and then core comes last in most of my programs.
Your first exercise will be a barbell back squat. Perform 3 sets of 3 to 5 reps and rest for 2 minutes between sets.
The second exercise you will do is a single leg, single arm romanian deadlift. Perform 3 sets of 5 to 8 reps on each side, resting for 2 minutes between sets.
This workout's third and fourth exercises are supersets – Performing two exercises back-to-back without rest is called a superset. The first exercise will be a goblet side lunge performed for 8 to 12 reps on each side, then a single leg hip thrust for 10 to 15 reps on each side.
The fifth and sixth exercises of this workout will also be a superset. The first exercise is alternating half bicycles for 10 to 15 reps on each side, then side plank hip raises for 10 to 15 reps on each side.
Need help with your form? Email them here.
Q: If I want to lose some extra fat, should I do weights first? I usually focus on cardio first , I can run a lot
A: I'm first recommending focusing on your nutrition, so you're in a caloric deficit. After that, include weight training and cardio into your fitness routine to effectively "lose extra fat." While cardio is essential for burning calories and improving cardiovascular health, weight training is crucial for building lean muscle mass, which in turn helps boost your metabolism. When you have more lean muscle mass, your body burns more calories at rest, which can help you lose fat in the long run.
Regarding the order in which you perform your exercises, there is no hard and fast rule about whether you should do weights or cardio first. However, there are a few factors to consider. Suppose you are looking to build muscle and increase strength. In that case, it's beneficial to start with weight training, as your energy and focus will be at their highest earlier in the workout. On the other hand, if your primary goal is to burn calories and improve cardiovascular fitness, starting with cardio is more beneficial.
Another critical factor to consider is recovery. Suppose you are new to weight training or have not been consistent with it. In that case, it's essential to start with a lower volume and intensity and gradually increase it over time. Doing cardio before weights can make you more tired, making lifting weights with proper form and intensity harder.
Additionally, consider the time you have available to dedicate to your workout. Performing cardio and weight training on separate days may be a more practical option if you are short on time. For example, you can do weight training on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and cardio on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Also, it would be best if you focused on the quality of your workout, not the quantity.
It's also important to remember that exercise alone is not enough to lose extra fat. Nutrition also plays a crucial role in weight loss. To lose fat, you need to create a calorie deficit, which means consuming fewer calories than you burn. This can be achieved by consuming a healthy diet low in calorie-dense foods, such as processed foods and added sugars, and high in nutrient-dense foods, such as fruits, vegetables, lean protein, and healthy fats.
How I Lost 60 lbs in 5 months
Backstory
“No one wants to work with or listen to a fat trainer” was one of the phrases I used to help me lose 60 lbs. You don’t lose that amount of weight by accident, you also don’t put on that much weight on purpose, no one does. This is the third time in my life I’ve lost a considerable amount of weight. One of the biggest factors that helped me this time around was proof. When you see others achieve success, you’re seeing proof of concept and it helps you believe in what’s possible. But, when you’re the one who’s made a big transformation, it changes your identity and inspires others to start which is an incredible feeling. Accomplishments that spark change in others is a beautiful example of how being selfish can also be selfless.
I’ve gone through this process back in 2012 when I lost 63 lbs in 3 years and in 2017 where I lost 30 lbs in 7 months. But nothing has compared to losing 60 lbs in less than 5 months in 2022. I credit my recent transformation to the years of tracking calories and working out as well as the fear of what I could lose.
The beginning of my weight loss journey started with my weight gain in March 2020. Covid forced the world to shut down and with that, so did my discipline and positive outlook on life. I’m a personal trainer who chose to take the easy route and collect unemployment. I justified the timing of covid with me being burnt out from working so much. Every trainer has a different goal but mine was to work as much as possible so one day I could be independent and run my own business. With nothing to do (lie) and nowhere to go (truth), I started smoking and for the first time in 10 years, also started playing video games.
I developed two of the worst habits you could have at a time when there was no judgment coming from anyone. This led to being in the worst shape of my life physically, mentally, and emotionally. My day would consist of light reading, sometimes working out, video games, and smoking every night. I had the wildest “cheat meals” or munchies you could imagine. The usual was a chicken cheesesteak with fries or chips and “dessert”. Dessert was a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream with cinnamon toast crunch cereal and oatmeal raisin cookies. When you get to the point of feeling hopeless and careless, it usually doesn’t get better with time.
My world opened back up in September of 2020 and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I used to train 20-40 people/day as well as coach 10-20 people online but here I was, only seeing 1-2 people a day. This was the first time I became aware of how much I messed up by giving up; this is what taking the easy route leads to. But, things weren’t “bad enough” to elicit change in my behavior so I continued with the bad habits.
I spent the next 18 months yo-yo dieting and telling the people around me that “I can lose this weight when I want to". I did this all the way to reaching 253 lbs. What’s worse than ruining your own life is the choices you make that affect other people you care about.
In January 2022, I went to see the doctor to get a check up and got the biggest reality check of my life. My blood pressure was 150/90 (hypertensive). I was overweight and unhealthy to the point where I had 3 months to lose weight or else I’d need blood pressure medication. In 33 years of being alive and 6 years of being a personal trainer, I’ve never had an ultimatum like this. This wasn’t my identity and I needed to change.
It wasn't until March of 2022 that I started to get my shit together. I gave up smoking and changing this one habit helped in more ways than one. Not only did my eating improve, but so did my memory and cognitive abilities. I also played video games a lot less, limiting it to only two days a week. In that first month, I lost almost 19 lbs! In April for my next check up, my blood pressure dropped to about 130/80. I was happy about heading in the right direction but I wasn’t too excited because the job wasn’t done. It’s less about celebrating small victories and more about adding to your identity. Each action you take every day contributes to the person you become. It’s not that you can’t have ice cream anymore, it’s the fact that you're someone who doesn’t enjoy what happens after. The feelings that come with post-ice cream guilt and calories are no longer worth it. Your healthy identity starts with your mindset and you define it with your actions.
I’m going to make the “how” as simple as possible here:
I had a goal weight in mind of 200 lbs which makes things easier because there’s a clear defined “end point”.
I gave up and limited what I identified as holding me back: smoking and video games.
I reminded myself of what I would lose and gain every day to influence my actions instead of excuses.
Nutrition
All this helped shape and control my mindset. If you have strong enough “whys”, you can overcome any “how”. Next is nutrition:
Calorie Deficit!
I’m a numbers guy and tracking macros is one of the tools I like to use when trying to lose weight in a systematic way.
If you’re not consuming less calories than your body burns, you will not lose weight. It doesn’t matter how much you workout or how “healthy” you eat, it’s scientifically impossible.
3-4 meals/day.
Rest days would look like 2 protein shakes and 1-2 solid-food meals.
Training days would look like 1-2 protein shakes and 2-3 solid-food meals.
Breakfast/Pre-workout options:
Oatmeal with fruit and scrambled eggs
Oatmeal with fruit and protein powder mixed in
Scrambled eggs with Airfried home fries (saved calories by not using oil/butter)
Scrambled eggs with toast and fruit
Greek yogurt with fruit
Dinner/Post-Workout options:
Post-Workout protein shakes within 30 mins then a solid meal within an hour of that.
There’s no “anabolic window” timing I was trying to hit. I know how my body works and what I’m trying to avoid is hunger pains and brain fog. That comes from not having anything post-workout.
I don’t immediately eat food after my shake because I want things to digest. I also want to start and finish my meal as well as not feeling bloated from eating too much.
Rice, beans, skinless chicken breast or lean ground turkey (93/7) with a side salad.
Either brown or white rice. Not much of a difference here. I usually go with brown rice because it’s a complex carb which means longer/slower digestion.
Black beans or pinto, small difference in macros and micros but they’re high in protein and fiber.
The chicken was either cooked on the stove top, baked, or airfried. I used cooking spray to save calories from oil. I used seasoning: onion, garlic, black pepper powders, salt but I cut down on this too because of sodium.
93/7 lean ground turkey is ideal for me. I rarely used oil for this because it already has 8g of fat per serving. Sometimes I’d use olive oil, pasta sauce, or low-fat alfredo sauce for flavor.
I can’t stress this next part enough. When I started adding a salad to these meals, I couldn’t believe how full I’d get. I wouldn’t be able to finish the meal I cooked which sped up weight loss. My usual was spinach or a greens mix, feta cheese, and a low calorie dressing. This was the first time I tracked the calories in spinach and the purpose was for tracking fiber.
Later in my weight loss journey, I started swapping the combo dinner for just a salad with protein in it. This meant less food prep time and I didn’t have to guess how long to microwave my food.
If I didn’t cook, which was rare during this period, I’d have chipotle. It's a safe alternative to have because of the reliable macros. The only downfall is the high amount of sodium.
Protein Shakes:
A wonderful alternative option for people who snack on nuts or donuts is a protein shake. Especially if you can pair it with a “healthy” carb choice like fruits.
I’ve used Cinnamon Cookie Batter from 1st Phorm for almost 5 years now which is a meal replacement.
My post-workout shake is Vanilla Milkshake which tastes like ice cream.
If you spend 30 days tracking everything you eat, you will have a better idea of what’s holding you back. You will also gain a better relationship with food. What you consider healthy versus unhealthy lies in its macro and micronutrient profile. “Healthier foods” are less processed, have better macros, and have a good amount of micronutrients. This makes your body run more optimally and makes you feel better than “unhealthier foods”.
Exercise
Do you need to workout to lose weight? No. But, does working out improve your body composition and mental well-being? Yes. Your workouts can be as simple as walking or as detailed as what I’m about to tell you. My mindset was to do whatever it takes, do as much as you can, to make this process as fast as possible. It wasn’t enjoyable, but I wasn’t fucking around anymore. I don’t recommend most people to make changes in extreme conditions. If you can’t sustain it, it won't be long before you quit. You also could become worse off because of the experience. Here’s what I did:
4 workouts a week that consisted of a lower, upper, and two full body splits.
150 mins of low-moderate intensity cardio and or 75 mins of high intensity cardio per week.
Low-Moderate Intensity cardio. Walking on a treadmill at an incline and speed I could sustain for 30-60 mins 5x/week.
This was easy and enjoyable. I spent every minute walking listening to a podcast or watching a youtube video.
The first 30 seconds of every minute was spent “free walking”. I didn’t hold onto the rail in front of me, and the second 30 seconds was spent using help. It broke up the monotony for me.
High Intensity cardio was spent on the elliptical, rower, or ski-erg machines. Earlier in the year, I hurt my feet doing plyometric exercises my body couldn’t handle because I was heavy.
I either do 20 seconds on, 40 seconds off (resting) or 30 seconds on, 30 seconds off.
I’m now able to add in jump rope and sprints because I lost 60 lbs and my joints no longer hurt.
I do the workouts that I program for my gym and online group training, AYM Higher Together. They last about 40-50 minutes and I change the routine every month so I won’t get bored doing the same thing for months.
Another important factor that helped was joining a 1st Phorm 8 Week Challenge. I posted a picture of my body week to week for accountability. If I didn’t do the work, everyone would know and worse than that, my character would be in jeopardy. I’m all for people who want to promote body positivity and being comfortable in your own skin. But that wasn’t my reality. I was hypertensive and wore all black to hide my belly and extra body fat.
Here’s what I’ve learned from all this and doing it in my 30’s:
Losing weight gets harder the older you get and the easiest way to lose weight is to not gain it in the first place, duh.
You have the time to workout, you have to define the parameters for working out.
You have the time to cook. If you say you don’t, start tracking the “fun” you have on a daily/weekly basis. Replace that with grocery shopping and cooking.
You’re not missing out on anything when you’re getting your shit together. What’s meant for you will always be there.
What gets measured, gets managed.
If you don’t track your food, weigh yourself consistently, or take progress pictures, it’s going to be a lot harder to gauge progress. It's also going to make fine-tuning your methods for losing weight more difficult.
Eat more fruits and vegetables, it’s simple to add fruit to your breakfast and have lunch and/or dinner with a salad.
Change your identity by how you speak to yourself.
My thought process has changed from the foods I’m giving up to the foods I’m adding to my diet. This helped remove the junk food I was having. I used how my stomach felt after meals to determine what was best for me.
Another important thing happened to me with my first check up this year. I got blood work done and found out I was allergic to wheat, shrimp, sesame, and hazelnut.
Besides looking leaner, not much changes in your world. But I do believe that achieving success reveals who you are deep down. It’s easy to become full of yourself and put other “out of shape” people down. It's also easy to use your story and experience to help others who want to change. You’ll never regret being kind to someone but you’ll always regret being an asshole later in life.
Focus on sleep, here’s why:
The less time you’re awake, the less chances you have to eat, duh.
The more sleep you get, the more body fat gets burned instead of muscle because this is how your body recovers.
The less sleep you get, the more irritable you are in general and to others.
Sleep regulates two hormones: Ghrelin and Leptin
These are two hormones which influence satiety and hunger. Leptin decreases your appetite and Ghrelin increases it. When you get poor sleep, this throws your hormones out of sync.
Life is a lot easier to handle when you’re not constantly worried about your size, what to eat, and working out.
Accountability speeds up the process in which you become successful or quit. You realize there isn't a "right time" to prioritize your health. I hope when you read that sentence again, you can reflect on whether your excuses are justifiable or not.
If I didn’t change my ways, I could have shot up to 300 lbs or worse. My career doesn’t have job security but I can assure you, a PT who looks in shape is going to have it easier than a PT who doesn’t. It makes acquiring and keeping business easier. The reason being I’m practicing what I preach to others and I’m leading by example. I became a personal trainer because I know what it feels like to feel hopeless. I know what it feels to have confusion about where to start and what to do and I want to help others avoid that pitfall.
Rate of Weight Loss
You can’t lose weight because of this fact, among other things, the speed you want the weight to drop off isn’t realistic to the discipline you need to sustain it. Notice I didn’t use motivation here, because being motivated to start this journey isn’t going to be enough for you to be consistent when you stop feeling like it and that fountain of delusion runs dry. Here’s two ways you can approach this weight loss game, fast and furious, or slow and controlled.
When you decide to use a fast approach to losing weight, you have to understand that your life is going to dramatically change in ways that are going to challenge your determination. Let’s define “fast approach” as a 2lb + weight loss goal per week. You’re going to be uncomfortable with how little calories you’re allowed to consume plus the little energy you’re going to have as a result of this.
There’s a quote i recently read I like that goes like this: “you can have anything you want but you can’t have everything you want”
Are you prepared to give up time being social? When you meet up with friends, it usually involves food and drinks. You can say bye to those because it’s not fun being around people who aren’t on a diet when you are and it’s also not fun being around people who are on a diet when you’re not.
Are you willing to track every single calorie? Tracking calories sucks but it’s a necessary evil for knowing how many calories you’re eating to ensure you’re in a calorie deficit. It’s a skill you can learn with practice and something that’ll stay with you for the rest of your life. You don’t need to track calories forever either; the people who promote intuitive eating are the ones who spent time understanding food composition (protein, carbs, fats) and learned there’s no such thing as healthy or unhealthy foods. There are foods that’ll help you reach your goal and foods that’ll hurt your timeline for reaching your goal.
When you decide to use a slow and controlled approach to losing weight, you have to understand that change takes time and if this was easy, nobody in the world would be fat. Nobody brags about having the fastest sex or being able to scarf down food instantly, unless you’re in competition, and the same mindset should be used here too.
When your calorie deficit isn’t steep, you have more freedom in your life to make the process more enjoyable. You can have more “fun foods”, you can go out more without feeling guilty, and you don’t run the risk of sacrificing muscle for a lower number on the scale. When you take your time, you optimize your ability to make life-long habits which will prevent you from regaining weight after you’ve stopped dieting.
The more realistic you are about your goals and approach, the more likely you are to be successful with transforming your body. But if your mindset isn’t starting in a good place, your journey is going to be short-lived. Dieting isn’t for the faint of heart and it doesn’t take rocket science to figure out a weight loss plan.
What will separate you from those who succeed versus those who don’t is having a clearly defined “why” and a willingness to accept failure as a lesson for going forward. You’re going to encounter obstacles that will test you and my hope for you is you’re the person who adjusts their speed instead of calling it quits before you reach the finish line.
“The man who loves walking will walk further than the man who loves the destination”
12 Hours in LA with Ben Bruno
Ben is by far one of the nicest people I’ve met and smartest trainers I know.
I was introduced to Ben’s Instagram a couple years ago and I’ve been a fan ever since.
I remember saying this is exactly who I want to be like.
A sarcastic, funny, GREAT trainer. Smart enough and capable of training anyone but normal enough to be relatable.
I slid in his DMs December 2018 after he mentioned he was looking for an assistant. I didn’t care if it was paid or not, I’d fly across the country and learn from this guy because I believed in him and believed I’d become a better trainer from that experience.
The DM didn’t get seen but the work continued.
Now a year later, I finally got a chance to meet Ben through his mentorship program.
Ben is one of those people where you’re surprised by how caring and accommodating he is. In a world filled with influencers and trainers with oversized egos, Ben is neither.
Once I got passed the initial shock of who I was in standing in front of, it was like catching up with one of my best friends. We also spent an unexpected hour on the phone prior to meeting up just to get a feel for each other and within 10 minutes of that convo, I knew we were going to hit it off.
I arrived at his place around noon. Afterwards we went to his favorite restaurant to eat breakfast and this where I learned about his training history as well as update him on my journey.
Ben took me on a hike at Franklin Canyon, the less busy canyon lol, and this is where we talked about life in general getting to know each other on a more personal level.
After the hike, went back to Ben’s place, talked about his on-boarding process for new clients, how he’s been able to have clients for 6 years + and projects he’s currently working on.
Later that night, Ben knew that I wanted to expand my online fitness business so he was thoughtful enough to hit up two of his friends Kelsey and Dennis, co-founders of HiitBurn, to have dinner with us. I was able to connect with these people only because Ben made it happen. I got to learn about their online training philosophy and process which helped me understand something very important.
If you want to be successful, anytime you’re met with an opportunity, the mentality has to be “whatever it takes” or else you’ll end up justifying all of your excuses.
I want to leave you with this quote from Ben:
““The secret to how I got here was hard work, pushing through and help from good people along the way” ”
Ben helped me realize the value and potential I have as a trainer as well as seeing the bigger picture.
Forever grateful for this opportunity and his friendship.
2019: Year Of Offense
I was 24 years old.
I just had a second operation on my chest. I was “diagnosed” with gynecomastia. Some people call them "large male breasts", others call them "Bitch Tits", either way, it was something I struggled with my entire childhood & was going to take over my adult life…
I had this same operation a year prior. Long story short, we decided to take a risk and have a no-scar-surgery that would eliminate this problem that became a part of my identity. It didn’t work and I suffered another year of insecurity because every time I looked in the mirror, I saw two reasons why I wasn’t a man, I wasn’t attractive, I wasn’t good enough…
The first tattoo I got was to cover my scars…
Two years of diet & training. The first time I looked in the mirror shocked at what I saw…
I was 25 years old.
What started out as another night out with my best friend, ended up being the night I met the girl of my dreams, or so I thought. We got into an argument because I took the side of the girl that he was dating at the time. I was always a third wheel, something I've grown accustomed to being, again, I was getting closer to the body that I wanted but still miles away from the confidence I needed. My best friend left me to go do a DJ gig, my phone was on 3%, if felt like my world was coming to an end. I relied on Austin for my social life. I’m an introvert & a homebody by nature. I was also broke as shit so I told myself I was the lucky one that he even wanted to be friends with me & take me places. The only thing that was on my mind was getting to him so I could apologize. Despite having a few drinks in my system, I was able to locate him and we immediately had a conversation. Next thing I know, I get a tap on my shoulder followed by the question: "are you QuoteAbel?”. It was from the girl that I was in love with through Instagram.
Eight months later, on and off dating, the main thing that I feared from day one finally happened. So afraid to lose something I work so hard at making last, I was blind sided with "we need to talk”. It wasn’t the closure conversation that saves you years of frustration & suicidal-depression, it was the type of conversation that fuels insecurity & kills any type of dignity you had. It was the second & last time I gave everything I had to one woman. Despite my valiant efforts, I wasn’t assertive, I wasn’t a man, I wasn’t good enough…
Hollywood Millz
Angela
I was 28 years old.
I was two years into my corporate job, I was making good money for the first time in my life, I was also a soulless zombie. My prior years of creativity were dead. I didn’t care about music, I didn’t care about poetry, I didn’t care about anything besides working, working out & making more money. 6 months prior, I finally decided to study for my personal training certification. I couldn’t last one more second at that job but wasn’t assertive or man enough to leave. The people around me were negative, the commute was always crowded, the gym was always packed, I was living for the weekends.
August 2016, after 6 months of spending all my free time studying, I passed the NASM CPT test. FUCKING ECSTATIC! I spent the next month training a few friends for cheap just to get experience & money in. September 2016, I spent my birthday in Dominican Republic. I could get used to this. Work 9-5 & train people afterwards until I had enough clients/money to leave that soul-sucking job. It’s funny whenever you think you have a plan of how things will go, the universe likes to throw a wrench in there to show you who’s the real boss. I came back from DR & we had a meeting (something that never happens unless it’s bad news). Long story short, no one in that department had a job anymore & we had two months to figure out what to do next. I stayed on for the transition period & after two months, I was offered another position in the company or, take my severance & look for something else. I just turned 28 years old. I didn’t have any real responsibilities. I didn’t have a girlfriend or a child. This was it for me. This was my chance to see what I was made of. It was my time to see if the life I wanted to live was possible. No one was going to baby me anymore. How great do you want to be? How bad do you want it? Are you good enough?
Collateral Analyst. After hours
Puerto Plata, DR
I’m 30 years old.
I’m at my 3rd personal training job.
It took me almost two years to feel comfortable in this profession.
Two years of failing, doubting myself, & grinding.
What I’ve learned is the harder you work, the faster the results come.
What’s overwhelming at the beginning, becomes routine after a few months.
If you do right by people, help out as many people as you can for free, experience & character grows exponentially.
When you focus on becoming a better version of yourself daily, instead of comparing yourself to others, that momentum lands you new opportunities.
If you live in your truth, no one can own you.
OVER DELIVER EVERY TIME!
Consistency > Perfection
Discipline > Motivation
Waiting for closure is like holding your breath, it feels like you’re dying the longer time passes.
If you give up, you’ll never reach your goals.
Which brings us to the title of this blog, Offense. It took me 30 years to realize why I’m not where I want to be yet. I was waiting for someone to save me. I was waiting for things to happen. I was waiting for permission, to be told it’s okay for you to try a little harder now, you’re ready for what’s next. The truth is, you’ll never be ready for what’s next until you start now. I thought surgery was going to fix my body image issues, I thought Angela was going to be the last girl I was ever with, I thought that 9-5 was going to be the last job I ever had… There’s a few things I’m certain of, if you don’t like your body, do something about it. If you don’t like your job, do something about it. If you don’t like feeling hopeless, do something about it!
The road to becoming is a long journey that will test your faith, resiliency & strength.
Every “no” is a speed bump, not a dead end.
& If you’re good enough, NO ONE is stopping you... You’re more than capable.
If you want to lose weight, google is your best friend, or hire a coach.
If you want to get further in business, read a shit load of “how to’s”, or hire a mentor.
You have a gift & a story that needs to be shared, to save someone else’s life, to remind them that things they wish for, dream about, cry about is possible with faith & work. Sacrifice something now for something better in the future.
Here’s to a productive & offensive 2019.
Structure Personal Fitness
Alone For The Holidays
“You’re always in the gym”
I left home at the age of 13. I was lucky enough to receive an academic scholarship through ABC (A Better Chance). It was at a time when I was become rebellious & hated rules. I needed structure.
When I arrived at the ABC house in Swarthmore, PA, it was a culture shock. I moved from the inner city into the suburbs outside philly & it was nothing like I expected it to be. I wasn’t adventurous but I was always up for a challenge (& to get away from home).
Growing up, my dad became sick & it got progressively worse year after year until May 2009. My mom took on more responsibility than she wanted or was prepared for & my brother was doing whatever he wanted.
When we were young, my parents didn’t want me in the streets so they bought me every video game I wanted if I did well in school. Growing up, I couldn’t wait to get home from school, speed through homework & play video games with my brothers for hours on end.
But when I got to Swarthmore, video games for hours until bed wasn’t allowed. It was school, extra curricular activities (for me was football then track), dinner with everyone, 2 hours of study hall minimum then you had an hour ish to get ready for bed then school the next day.
When it came to the weekends, what I was deprived of all week was made up with Madden & Halo. I was a beast. I was also an introvert, shy, & horrible with making friends or talking to girls.
I came home for the holidays & the summer. Home meant taking care of my sick dad, being around my stressed mom & seeing my brother who was amazing at basketball, girls & had a ton of friends. So what did I do? You prolly guessed it. Video games alone. In the summer I’d play basketball with my brother but I wasn’t very good. I was big & loved playing defense so I was a good pick up. I didn’t want the ball unless it was to make an assist.
I’m getting off topic. Why am I posting this?
Because I had no confidence in myself growing up. I stepped into the gym when I was young for vain reasons. I wanted the body that girls gawked over, a star athlete, & to be popular. I basically wanted attention because I wasn’t getting enough of it anywhere else.
I step into the weight room now because I know what hours of sacrifice & discipline will result in. A strong body & mind. The holidays are still a reminder that even when you’re celebrating, there’s people who are suffering with no end in sight. So… If you had the opportunity to spend it with your family, cherish that.
Heavy Is The Head Who Wears The Crown
There’s people in this world who honestly have no friends or family left… then there’s people like me.
I have a Mom, Brother & Niece. I have plenty of friends that I can call or text everyday w/o any limitations.
However, This was me on Thanksgiving Day 2018.
I just checked my photos app from a year ago & also… no picture of food, family or friends.
I like to rely on the descriptions “introvert” & “homebody” as my reasons aka excuses for wanting to be alone a majority of the time & excluding myself from get togethers.
What this technique has brought me is distance vs the things in life we enjoy but can’t buy, love.
If you’re feeling sorry for me at this point, don’t.
I believe every adult is more than capable of choosing his/her fate.
You can’t have your cake & eat it too.
You can’t have the space for quiet as well as the presence of love.
You can't be selfish with other people's time when it's convenient for you.
A day that's created for busy people to connect with the people that they love, I chose to spend it doing the "important thing" that I value.
How did I get here?
I chose myself again and again to the point where I didn't make time for others.
You can't tell someone that you miss them, you have to show them.
You can't tell someone they're important to you, you have to show them.
November 30, 2016, I made a decision that being in an office all day wasn't the best thing for me.
I jumped in without thinking. I took a leap of faith.
I refused to be surrounded with people who were draining me of my energy.
I'm not someone that likes to complain when I know I can control the outcome.
Being 30 years old, I don't feel that much different than when I was 21.
What makes me feel physically good is the decision that I made over a decade ago to start working out and six years ago to change my nutrition.
My mom couldn't cook for me anymore because I refused to eat her food.
I couldn't hang out with my brother as much because I was too picky to eats chips and burgers every day.
I couldn't hang out with my friends because I didn't have the money to afford drinks or eat out multiple times a week.
I didn't want to let family or culture dictate the way did I lived.
When you choose to live life on your terms, it's going to come with a lot of lonely days, it's going to come with a lot of frustration, it's going to come with the days that test your will.
Why would any sane person choose to diet and workout when most of their friends & family will not participate.
Why would you want to put so much stress on your plate, when most of the people that love you will let you down?
Heavy Is The Head Who Wears The Crown
Leave a comment below on how you handle this?
Defining 30...
I’ve been thinking about “30” for a long time now… I thought I would feel old & useless, instead, I feel rejuvenated. I found a path in life that allows me to put forth my best qualities on display to have a positive impact on others. “Influencer”, not the ones you see on social media that make you question the definition or your own worth, but a real-life influencer is what I’ve been told I am. I wanted to spend this birthday on a beach somewhere away from everyone & everything just to decompress or maybe just flex on the ‘gram. A recent conversation with a good friend reminded me that wasn’t necessary & here’s why:
The word “Grind” was something I only saw my Mom do for years.
I didn’t understand it because I couldn’t feel it.
She never complained about her workload to me.
She allowed me for years to follow my passion for words & try to become an Artist.
Years…
We had our arguments here & there but she wanted me to be happy, that’s the most important thing a parent cares about.
When that didn’t pan out how I planned, I went back to the corporate world & she was proud.
But it didn’t take long for that happiness to fade.
I had income but I wasn’t producing or creating anything to be proud of…
What I did for fun/therapy was workout. That’s pretty much the only thing that consumed my thoughts during my 9-5.
I finally decided if there was ANYTHING in this world I would pour my everything into… it would be this lifestyle.
I left my secure job two years ago, to the dismay of my mom, & ventured into the world of personal training.
What’s funny about that situation is that the “secure” job I had folded because the department was sold to another bank.
Nothing on Earth is secure. You wake up everyday & try to make sense of the chaos in this world.
A few months into training, I saw Gary V on the breakfast club & instantly became a fan.
After watching countless #DailyVee episodes, I found out he had a personal PERSONAL trainer. Mike Vacanti. Not the usual “see me x times/week”. He was full on Gary’s trainer EVERYday EVERYwhere. I was blown away.
Now I had a new idol/person to aspire to be.
I watched Mike’s daily vlogs, read his articles on his website, download his app & started tracking my macros.
Nothing happens by chance/coincidence. You’re meant to be exactly where you are.
Exactly one year ago in early September, I finally met this legend & it changed my life forever.
He got me an opportunity at my current training job @structurepf with another great mentor @coachkevindineen.
A year later, we talk regularly, hangout when our schedules lineup & I made two appearances on his vlog.
"This is just a taste of what the life could be”
I don’t know exactly how to describe this.
I graduated from Bucknell University in 2010.
I thought I was going to take my Economics/Sociology degree & do something in finance for the rest of my life.
That was my plan.
I didn’t get the job I wanted for another 5 years. In that time, I went from whatever job to job just to have something to do.
I explored a path in the music industry that revealed I didn’t really have the passion for it.
My mom watched her son struggle everyday trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his life.
If my dad was around & healthy, I'm sure I would received the tough love I needed to get my shit together.
But he wasn’t around & my mom had too much on her plate. I was selfish.
I was able bodied to do more than her but weak minded.
In that time also, I changed my body drastically & lost 55 lbs in 3 years.
I wanted to be a fitness model because I thought that’s just what happens when your body looks good & you’re strong.
I was told to be a trainer but I told people I wasn’t certified or good enough for that (ha)
I fell in love & got my heart broken twice in that timespan…
I say all that to say this, I learned to be kind & caring from my dad. I learned to work hard & focus from my mom.
This life & lifestyle would have never happened without her.
If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be here (literally) or the man I am today.
On my 30th year of life, this feeling I don’t know how to describe is…. I’m Happy.
I’m not lost anymore.
I found something I’m good at & I enjoy doing everyday.
I found a way to connect with other & help people everyday.
I found my way & myself through depression & rejection.
Forever Grateful & Thankful
Love you all.